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| About the previous post, I guess I was just so hurt and disappointed when I did that entry. Last night, I just prayed for everything to be alright and even if some tears involuntarily fell from my eyes before I slept, I promised that I will be stronger and hoped that tomorrow will be better.
Actually, I did a little flash back into the times wherein those boys endlessly teased and somewhat made fun of me. Back then, I never really cared and even laughed at myself too (wasn't I too weird? :P). I saw myself as that happy person who continuously rode on to their jokes even if it was sort of insulting already. I felt strong. Well, not until yesterday where I got so sick and tired of everything. But then whenever I look back to those days, every moment of it made me smile. Haha. I don't understand why though. Perhaps because seeing myself as a person who couldn't be brought down that easily by anyone else is kind of an accomplishment.
I also comprehend that sooner or later, those boys will behave as men. I guess all I have to do is just set our differences aside and understand them even if they don't seem to understand me. Besides, throughout the school year, they all did something nice to me even if it wasn't that often. I still remember two of the guys who said sorry on Christmas day and also the others who kept on apologizing whenever they'd become aware of me being aggravated. A single sorry is enough. Seeing them admitting their mistakes makes me feel a lot better. So I guess it's okay since they at least know when they've done something wrong. But about yesterday's case, maybe it's because I just seldom show my emotions to look as if I have no problem with them. I suppose I should learn how to further express and show my inner feelings too.
As of now, I can't force them to grow up as fast as possible and tell them to act like a complete gentleman. I still like how much makulit they appear to be. You know, BOYS WILL ALWAYS BE BOYS. :)
Also bear in mind that there is always a good side in everyone. You just have to understand. Remember to give out some love because even the most awful person needs it. =) | | |
| *edit*
ROGELIO CARONONGAN
JOPHEL DE VERA
BENJAMIN FRANCISCO DE VERA
...and probably the rest...you know who you are.
I'm sorry for mentioning your names here, guys. But I just want to say that I AM SO FED UP!!! I know that I'm the type of person who would laugh and ride on to whatever your jokes have to say but I guess you're already taking my "too considerate" side for granted. Masyado ko na yatang kinakawawa ang sarili ko eh... I don't seem to stand up for myself anymore. You may see me as that happy-go-lucky kind of person who doesn't seem to care with whatever people have to say but hey, I have feelings too, you know. You may call me whatever you want but please touch up with your manners. I swear that I haven't been calling you any names that could possibly hurt your feelings ever since I met any one of you because it's how I show respect. And I know you know what respect means. Just so you all know, it has never been my intention to hurt anyone...even the ones who seem to hurt me already. And there's that side in me that believes you're still a good person despite everything. So if you happen to come across my blog and read this, I hope you understand... Yes, call me a coward for not actually having the courage for saying this straight to your face. But if anyone could say this to them in person, please do. Do it for me. Thank you.
TO: !!! --- kung matatamaan ka man sa mga sasabihin ko, siguro ikaw nga yun --- STOP BEING SO MA-FEELING. I'm not saying this in a rude way. I just hope you don't make any unnecessary judgements or guesses if you don't really know anything about it. You could be totally wrong and totally take things the wrong way, so whatever it is you're thinking, it would be better to just ASK ME. Then I swear, I'll be answering the truth for you.
"I don't care what they say..."
You see, I don't use that line anymore. Because I'd simply be lying if I did. Whoever you are, your comments matter to me. I don't exactly know why it affects me in some way but I guess just through saying that I have my own feelings too somehow explains it.
*sigh* I'm hurt, sad, part-happy, confused, everything all in one. I don't know if I'll continue showing my infamous fake smiles or just let it all out and cry... | | |
| "The face can speak of a thousand emotions but it
can easily mask what the heart truly feels.
Don't be fooled, for the happiest face may be
masking the most hurting heart."
I can't really say that I had a wonderful day today. Perhaps it was more of a hurtful day considering everything that had happened. I'm just so disappointed with certain people...
No one could've ever guessed that I've been faking my smiles earlier. I just don't exactly know why I've been so down lately. I wonder.
There's just something I'd like to share with everyone: If someone really means a lot to you, don’t hide it…and most especially, never ever refuse to face your feelings. Because every minute, a lot of things can change. | | |
| Sooner or later, I will be saying good bye to my ever dearest Xanga blog. Good bye, love. I'm gonna miss you. Hahaha. I'm not gonna close it though. My entries here will be remembered. lol. One of these days, I'll soon be moving to my new home in Blogspot. I'll let you all know when it's all up. =)
So how exactly am I now? All I could say is that I AM HAPPY despite my disappointments from last night's bullcrap. With my trusted and true friends around, classmates and people who would always cheer me up with their funniest jokes, supportive relatives, people who're not afraid to show their love and care, and God for always being with me and guiding me in every step of the way, I feel so much blessed (yes dear, even if I don't get to attend VTRs because of school. lol). =)
You probably won't believe me but I LOVE SCHOOL now. It may seem to be stressing and all, but I'm actually enjoying every minute of it. If there's one thing I'm not happy about, it's definitely Mathematics.
I HATE MATH.
For once, I want to solve a Math problem right. I am so worried about my grades. Exams are coming up on Thursday and I still don't get it. I've been answering tons of damn Math excercises for almost the whole weekend but nothing has entered my damn nutshell. Damn. Hahahaha.
Lord, please help me pass the Math exam. I'm so tired of failing, failing, and failing all over again. I want to pass. :( There are even times when I'm already ashamed for showing up to dear Mr. Lee Jaspher Alipio, our Math teacher, for not passing his quizzes and exams in the past quarters. Call me dumb but I'm doing my best. Lord, please guide me in solving those figures. At least remind me what a minor arc is or perhaps even a major arc and a semi-circle. Lord, I love you so much with all my heart and I'm doing my very best to cope up and be a good girl as possible. Please be by my side and make me feel that I'm not a dimwit. Thank you for all the blessings. Amen.
Please pray for me too that I will pass the upcoming Math exam. Pray for me and I'll be happy. Thank you soooo much. God bless you. *hugs*
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